She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
