There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
