dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
