I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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