I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Text me some of your sweat
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
