Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
