yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
