you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
