yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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