you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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