hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
