If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
