Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
