John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
