Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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