you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
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