O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
