i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
