The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
where does the pee come out of this thing
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
