So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
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Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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