I think my vagina is haunted
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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