If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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