I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
