Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
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