you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
