just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
