Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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