I bet he comes in French.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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