I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.