that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.