i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
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I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
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Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.