That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal