You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
17 year olds will be the death of me.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.