Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.