I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Randomize
