So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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