I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
