have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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