Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize