happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
