Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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