I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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