That's when you crack a 10am beer
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
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So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
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I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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