butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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