you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
