Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
