so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
