Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
