We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
oh god was she eating orange peels again
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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