you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he was CRYING into my vagina
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
