His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
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Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
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I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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