mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
