Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
