She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
