So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
