ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
