Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
