I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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