My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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