Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
