I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
