I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize