so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize