new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
