Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
