I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
