dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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