My first STD was from a foam party
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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