I just pynch a tree in the face
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
