definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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