I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
