just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Who died my cat blue again?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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