I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
