also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
