I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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