No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed