No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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