Whod you bang
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.