another moral hangover. fuck.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
